There's this moment right after the diagnosis, when you are in need of answers. You want to know what's happening and most of all, you want to know how to make things better.
WHERE TO START?
"Is there a possibility to continue living even after receiving a diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis? Can I resume my goals and dreams and live the life I want, even faced with the unpredictability of relapses and possible disability? Is there anyone out there who has been through this and can give me some advice?"
These were most of the questions that went through my mind as I was beginning my research on all things Multiple Sclerosis. As a newly diagnosed 28 year old in the summer of 2014, I was angry. Upset at life for throwing this at my face, when I hadn't even began to live the way I wanted. I felt alone, as nobody was able to tell me more than some small details about how to handle this. Nothing about prevention methods, how to deal with all the emotional baggage. I felt really alone.
One thing I knew for sure: I was willing to fight this and get my life back the way I wanted. Life was going to be on my terms, and nothing was going to stop me. I am going to help at least one person not feel as alone as I did when first faced with Multiple Sclerosis.
LIFE HAPPENS
Then anxiety and rage came laughing at my face. They made me more irascible and snappy. But I still held on to dear life. "I am the boss here, I have the rules, I know best. I, I , I... !! " This was just the fear of losing all that I knew I was. Fear of losing myself in the process. And as all people in distress do, I began looking for support outside of myself. I looked for something to soothe my inner soul, the one that was shaking like a leaf in the face of uncertainty.
WALKING THROUGH THICK FOG
Who was I losing? Who was I really? How can I cope with all of this? What's the worse that can happen? I immersed myself in studying all that I could, ranging from brain anatomy, healthy living, psychology, introspection, journaling, blood test markers, treatments and exercise.
Yeah! Exercise seemed very interesting, as MS is known to go after one's mobility. But I wasn't allowed to get my body to heated. What could I do in order to move but not force too much? YOGA! Such a good idea!
And Yoga was a great idea for more than a year. As I learned the poses, breathing and routines, I also began to discover how my body worked. Little by little, I found out how my mind worked. It all went together. At the same time, my spirit was turning even more so to God.
For a long time, I had an eclectic spiritual philosophy going on, one made out of Christian belief, universal energy and accepting the flow of things and connecting to the higher power through prayer and letting go of my Ego (the "I, I, I, I!!" part of my mind that kept being afraid and angry).
ACHIEVING CLARITY
As I got closer and closer to God, I decided to read the whole Bible for the first time in my life. And from January this year, there was no turning back. I slowly let go of Yoga, as my focus shifted. I have always been a faithful person. Being raised in a Christian Orthodox family that was very open to religion, that encouraged learning about Jesus and the stories of the Bible, I grew in perfect acceptance of a higher power and in fascination with the story of Jesus of Nazareth.
Little did I know back then that this seed was going to prove to be my salvation. The thing that will help me out of the crash and burn of my Ego and internal fears and demons. To keep it short for this article: LOVE is the ongoing message of Christianity, the silver lining that goes through all of us and is at the bottom of all joy and inner peace. When you understand this, it all becomes crystal clear: the so called fear of God is in fact the love we have for Him. All love implies respect and obedience. We strive to please the ones we love. It's that simple!
This is my perspective on things, as I was born and raised a Christian. But whatever your belief, this still applies: LOVE is transcending all creation, it's the unifying energy.
CLARITY PUT TO WORK
But first, I had to become humble. To understand that if I had been given this burden was because I needed to learn a lesson: to love myself more, to love and give others more, to do what I love, to be more compassionate and kind to others.
There really is power in suffering and what it brings out. God doesn't play around. He gave me a harsh wake up call, a personal trauma to wake me up to the purpose we all need to have: love one another! Get my head out of my own... and start living in harmony with the people around me and with my own self. Multiple Sclerosis was the most personal lesson I had to learn. I had other lessons but failed to go deeper and become aware of their teachings. I wrote more about them and why following your heart is crucial, HERE.
Nowadays, I live my life with the knowledge that my life has a purpose. I know that all fear fades away in the face of God. I know that the only one that truly understands and accepts me is Jesus, and the kind of relationship we have with Him will mirror the way we treat ourselves and the people around us.
I know that when I surrender my Ego and accept my faults, when I am humbled by my mistakes, I grow, I become the best version of me possible. It's my personal choice. I continue reading the Bible every morning. It's part of my routine, along with breakfast and my daily Copaxone injection.
HOW CAN ALL THIS HELP YOU?
Simple! Here are three things you could do starting today, that will bring you closer to living with ease after going through a traumatic experience. Little by little, the pain will subside and you will continue living.
1. Allow yourself to go through the emotional pain
We are made to feel both happy and negative emotions. When we're happy, we accept that wholeheartedly. The same needs to happen with suffering. We need to feel that pain in order to get passed it. Otherwise, it gets repressed, we numb or ignore it and then the damage is longer and harder. Allow yourself to feel sad, angry, afraid and all that.
2. Daily journaling
A practice that will benefit you in many ways than one. You could say that when you suffer, you don't feel like writing, you don't have the energy. A journal is the most important tool you'll ever have.
It allows you to brain-dump all your suffering without complaining that you whine to much or you should stop. It only asks the questions you write. It allows you to objectify your thoughts and feelings. As you write them down, you become aware of them and the rational part of your brain kicks in and analyzes them. Maybe not at that moment, but on the long run, you'll see. It's the perfect tool for self-awareness and getting in touch with who you are deep inside.
3. Give more of yourself to others
Make helping others your goal. Look for opportunities to help your family and friends with whatever they might need. If you're going through something traumatic, they're probably affected to. Helping them would be just simply sit down and hear them out, listen to what they have to say. Let them pour their heart out. Be their journal!
Move outside your close circle: look for causes that you can join, or start your own. That's how SMart Choice Lifestyle began: I wanted to help others make the best decisions for their life, even if they were going through hard times. And that's still my goal. It's the reason you're reading this article.
Liked this post? Subscribe HERE, to be sure we stay connected. Let me know if you’d want me to write a more extensive piece on this topic, or on smaller topics from it. Would love to hear your opinion on this! Leave your comments down below.
P.S. Listening to Chopin proves to be amazing for my focus when writing :)) What's your concentration trick (if you have one)?
Sincerely,
Denisa
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