Writing about choices is basically my “bread-and-butter” on this blog. Everything we are or do boils down to choosing the way we act. Today is MS Day and the theme for 2016 is Independence. I’ve written about choice before, HERE, HERE and HERE.
Me and independence go way back. Since I can remember, I have always been that fiercely independent kid, that although needed protection and care like any other, also had a mind of its own. As I grew up, sometimes the social peer pressure to conform was acting strong. I mostly kept my own points of view and tried to make my own choices. At the same time I made sure that nobody got offended.
Here is where I made the mistake. Other people will always have something to say. No matter what or how you do it, they will always have an opinion. Guess what? That’s their own independence and ability to choose acting up. People might get upset or hurt because of your choices, but as long as you act from your best intentions, it will all be OK in the end.
Experience made me understand that the best outcomes are those in which we feel like our truest selves, without minding what others might say. As we grow older, social pressure to conform to what the majority or the authority thinks gets excruciating.
We become afraid that if we don’t mold ourselves to those patterns, we’ll become outcasts, excluded from society. Conformity is most of the times driven by fear and by what we can lose when we rebel.
The funny fact is that we all have nothing to lose. We all die in the end. We don’t take nothing with us. Of course there is also pain, sadness, loss, worry, compassion and all that. But nothing lasts forever. Our world is constantly changing. We change.
That’s the only constant we have: change. Our greatest ability is then adaptation, the capacity to adjust and readjust to the ever changing conditions life puts us through.
We all get to choose how we react to what’s happening to us. That’s what I understand as independence.
Being given a diagnosis of having an incurable chronic illness, puts things into perspective. At least for me it definitely did that. It made me think about my fears, my loves and my angst. Interesting journey, by the way!
It’s fascinating what you can find when you dig deep within yourself. When you take time to, little by little, analyze old wounds and ask yourself why did that happen and why did it matter that much? When you realize that all that you’ve been searching for all along, things like acceptance, control, calm and most importantly, love… have all been inside you all along.
When you understand that it’s all right to not be in control all the time, that there are higher forces at stake and your best ability is to adapt, accept and overcome the crisis you may go through.
You get to a point where you no longer regret the past and fear the future. You become at peace and begin to make change happen for others. Because you realise that we all have limited time and our mission is to make it count.
I might as well read all the books in the world, I’ll not go with all the knowledge to the grave with me. Then what’s the point in learning and knowing things? Teaching others, leaving a legacy and growing others through what you accumulate. Pay it forward. Be kind.
At the end of the day, we all get to choose who we become, given our specific contexts and opportunities. It’s that simple.
So, that’s what independence is for me.
MS doesn’t stop me from… choosing to adapt & pay it forward. #strongerthanMS
Happy MS Day! Or better said: Be happy to overcome MS each day ;)
Yours truly,
Denisa
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