METAMORPHOSIS - ep. 5 - How to Accept Change as a Part of Life

In times of hardship, we are all the same. Fear, as the ultimate guardian to our lives, takes the lead and makes us feel small, bitter and anxious facing what has been thrown at us. I’ve talked about fear on a few other ocasions, here, here, here and here. The basic definition is clear: an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm. By its very nature, life is unpredictable and by that somewhat scary.

We don’t know what lies ahead, we don’t know what to do in certain situations and we are all afraid of death. It is the Everest of fear. “What if I do this and I die?”, “What if it will kill me in the end?”, “What if I’m not strong / pretty / prepared / lucky / etc. enough? What if it will kill me faster?”. 

The basic and most obvious thing that you should realize is that we are all bound to die at some point. That’s reality. It’s the way life goes and has been going for thousands and thousands of years. We all feel this fear, this angst. But we all survive most of these moments. 

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose” 

(Steve Jobs - Stanford Commencement Speech, 2005)

We already have nothing, why are we so scared? Because of all the attachements we create day in and day out. We love so many things, so many places, so many activities, so many persons, that the simple thought of losing any of those generates a crippling fear inside our bodies. And we cringe. We lose focus, we are all the time expecting something awful to happen. And we forget to live. In time, we forget to love, to feel, to be.

But how do you learn to let go? To accept? Nobody ever taught me that. I was an overachiever since I can remember, and one day telling me that I am bound to live with a lifelong chronic condition that will have unpredictable episodes was mindblowing.

The first reaction was “I’m the champion! I’m going to beat this!”. The second one was grief: “What will happen to my life from now on? It will never be the same after this?”. The third one was fear: “What does the future have in stall for me? What will happen?”. We all get here at some point. And some of us are stuck. For a long while.

The truth is that we are the only ones who can get ourselves out of there. Nobody’s going to be able to do anything for us if we don’t let them. And I don’t mean let THEM do something for us as we sit down quietly and wait for results. I’m talking about actively engaging in our lives and help others help us.

All in life is about relationships. Relationships keep us strong. When we open ourselves to people and let them see past our pride and see our fear, that’s where compassion comes in. That’s when the true healing begins. I said begins, not takes place. It’s a process that we need to follow, that we need to repeat all the times that will be necessary. Things are not fixed in the world. They are flowing. They are constantly changing. If today I feel better and happy, tomorrow I might be overwhelmed with fear and anger.

This is even more true when living with a chronic illness. The trick here is to accept it, adapt your day around that feeling and overcome it by living, by doing, by dreaming, by being with others. There are some of us who need time alone to recharge and feel better. Take that time. Do what makes you feel good again. But don’t stay there too long. Get out there and live.

This too shall pass. We all have our ups and downs in this rollercoaster. We might as well learn to enjoy the view, because it’s not stopping anytime soon. 

That was all for today! See you next Friday!

For more episodes of the METAMORPHOSIS Project, click here.

Love,

Alexandra

How to Start Achieving Your Ideal Lifestyle by Making Smart Choices

Hey there! Nice to see you back here for another post! Today we’re getting deeper with the SMart. What was that again? We are getting deeper with the SMart Choice concept. I’m telling you more about how choices lead to change and how that leads to your desired lifestyle. Let’s get into it!

WHAT IS A CHOICE?

Life is nothing more than a sum of unpredictable events. Everyday you have to make choices, you have to pick the right things to suit your day and lifestyle. But what does it mean you can choose? It’s the action of mentally making a decision. You opt in for one way or another.

Every choice has a consequence and in time creates a habit. The effects of choosing can be immediate, short, medium or long term. But there is always a result of making a certain decision about that something in your life. Be it what shirt to wear today or to have or not to have breakfast this morning (and by the way, you totally should!).

As time goes by, every habit becomes automated. Think things like brushing your teeth twice a day, waking up at a certain hour or always adding honey to your tea. You do those things without even thinking, or while you’re thinking about something else. They’ve become second nature. Every habit eventually leads to a change in your life.

You make a choice, it becomes a habit and all of a sudden you live its consequences. It changed you in one way or another.

ABOUT HABITS AND THEIR QUIRKS

There are good habits and there are bad habits. Having one or the other is (you guessed it!) a matter of choice. You have the power to decide what, how, why and when you do. It has nothing to do with your willpower, but with repetition. Persistence is key. Do a thing over and over and it becomes second nature. It becomes who you are.

A habit is in fact the creation of new neural pathways in your brain. By making a choice and repeating it constantly for a certain amount of time, you signal your brain to learn it and make it part of your daily routine. You learn and then you master. But it does take time.

Studies say that it can last between 21 and 90 days, depending on its difficulty and on your resistance. What is that? It’s that little voice inside your head that tells you that you can’t do something, that it’s too early in the morning or that it can be postponed for a later day. It’s basically what you should call procrastination or not being in the mood to do a certain thing.

But it can be conquered. Through repetition. You try it again and again until it sticks with you. Let’s say you decided to quit sugar. You start by not eating any foods that contain it. A day, two, three, four pass by and you are making progress. But on the fifth you go out and a friend is having cheesecake for dessert. You crave it and give in, telling yourself that it’s just this time. And then you feel bad about eating it and ruining your progress. Stop it right now!

Allow yourself to feel bad about it, but don’t give up. Don’t use it as an excuse to quit. Enjoy that cheesecake today, it’s OK. The world as you know it is not over. But tomorrow start again. From the beginning. When you’ll understand that is OK to fail and that you have the power to choose what happens, you will persevere and achieve your goal. The simple thought that you can do it is your reward.

Let’s say that in reading this article you think about some bad habits that you are not so proud of. Your thoughts are something like: “How can I make good choices and have good habits if I do this and this all wrong?!”. There is hope for you, my friend!

Every bad habit can be replaced by a good one. Step by step. One by one. Every day, choose to do one thing the good way. Start with something small and easy. 

For example, you drink tea with two tablespoons of sugar. This time, put only one teaspoon. Repeat it daily and in time, when you got used to the one spoon, replace it with honey. Then repeat. And so on, until your brain learns and your taste buds get used to the change. To make it even easier, attach a new habit to one that is already established. It helps build the new one.

Decide what bad habits you want to change and work on them one by one. Don’t rush it and don’t do more habits at the same time. Take it slow and steady. In time, you’ll get to see results and will be happy how your life has changed for the better. Reward yourself for doing it, be kind to yourself. You’ll get there. Have faith!

HOW I CHANGED

In my case, after being diagnosed with multiple sclerosis, I chose to get informed, to know my “enemy”, understand it and be able to make smart choices for my lifestyle. That included food, exercise and relaxation choices, very different from what I was used to up until then.

Those choices led to new good habits that replaced the old bad ones. Those new habits led to changing my lifestyle from the inside out. It’s a process. It didn’t happen overnight. After a year, I am only just begining.

But the results are worth it. I am more confident and have more self-worth. I am more self-aware, I am calm and getting in control of my emotions. My fitness has improved and little by little my body is getting stronger. Multiple sclerosis might “wake up to say hi”, but I know it now, I know that this too shall pass. I will adapt and overcome it. Always. When fighting a war, you have to prepare.

WHAT CAN YOU DO TO START?

Read as much as possible, be informed before you make choices, especially concerning your health and managing your multiple sclerosis. With or without a chronic illness, you must choose wisely. Have a purpose and work at it daily through your decisions. Remember, choices become habits that in time change your life. 

Go practice, make choices, create change!

I hope you enjoyed today's article. Leave a comment down below and let's talk. 

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As always, transformation starts from within.

With love,

Alexandra

Prejudice in Romania & Thoughts on Disability. Multiple Sclerosis Awareness, #SMartWednesday

On this week's #SMartWednesday we focus on why discrimination and prejudice are so damaging to the individual living wih a chronic illness like multiple sclerosis. We get into some detail about the situation in Romania and raise the voice about what needs to be done in order to set things right. Let's get started!

SOME THOUGHTS ON DISABILITY

“Handicaped” is an offensive term for someone who is living with a disability. The fact that you lost a body function or a certain function does not respond well to brain commands doesn't suddenly transform you into a different person. You are still your own self. Nothing changes.

As people, we tend to label as “different” situations and persons we do not understand. Multiple sclerosis is labeled as a “neurological disease”. People who have it are often misunderstood as losing their mind, being handicapped or not being able to be an active part of society anymore.

It’s very easy to see someone with MS as vulnerable and deserving pitty for the condition he or she is in. But we are a lot stronger than that. We only need occasional encouragement when we feel down, access to treatment and our normal life back.

The moment the diagnosis appears, it seems like people begin to look at us only through the illness lens. Somehow, our personality gets blown away and all the public opinion chooses to see is a disease that must be avoided, because it’s scary and / or to difficult to bear.

Hey! There’s a human being in there! Wake up and see!

Even from before they’re born, babies are taken care of and helped get on with their life, no matter what. When adults begin needing the same kind of support, people back away. We hug babies to comfort them, but tell adults to suck it up and move on. If it were so easy!

All that MSers need is being treated equally. Having the same opportunities and rights as healthy people. We did not choose to have this illness, we did not choose to be different, we do not deserve to be ignored just because we had the misfortune to develop an incurable disease.

That is just cruel!

MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS IN ROMANIA

In Romania, the public opinion is not aware of the issues people with multiple sclerosis are facing on a daily basis. The medical system is weak and puts people on waiting lists just to get treatment. Treatment that administered early on prevents the progression and helps the individual lead a normal life, with little to no disability. 

But this issue is not that important to our governers. Political intrigue and televised speeches are more interesting than people who risk losing it all. And losing it all because of the way they’re being treated, not necessarily because of their illness.

The negative mentality and peer pressure issues are often more devastating than the condition itself. Losing social status or close friends and being seen as a freak by a prejudiced society hurts individuals more than multiple sclerosis ever could. As if the fear of losing control over your body isn’t enough!

WHAT IS MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS?

Medically speaking, it is a diagnosis that is characterized by interruptions of normal neural signaling from the brain to the body. Myelin, the fatty tissue that insulates the neurons is destroyed by the overactive immune system of the person who has the condition. 

It is a chronic (long-term) neurological and autoimmune illness that has no cure, but it is treatable. Treatment is the best way to help an MSer extend his or hers normal life, delaying possible disabilities. Unfortunately, the treatment isn’t available to all that need it.

Insufficient funding is the main problem here. The Government has people waiting on lists. Has people on the edge of their nerves waiting for the medicine that will help them relax their minds once more. The anxiety and stress of the waiting process makes the condition worse as time goes by.

The ironic fact about this illness is that it does not discriminate. One of the most discriminating diseases affects people impartially. There are no indicators to who and why will develop it. Some people are more succeptible than others, but there’s no way to tell.

There are about 2 milion people worldwide living with MS. Romania has about 10.000 cases, of which about 25% are being actually treated. And they are still diagnosing people. Not to mention the people who do not know they have it, and go on living or are being diagnosed with something else by mistake.

Meanwhile, the disease progresses. It’s not an individual illness. It is a social issue, as it can affect society’s well being through increased costs for the assisted population. It is a family issue, because someone very close to you might have it and you could not tell.

You could have it and not even know!

WHAT CAN BE DONE? HOW CAN YOU HELP?

Help us raise awareness for multiple sclerosis. Bring it up in discussions, find ways to help. Ask us any questions you may have. We are here to help you understand. We are here to share our story. Together we can control multiple sclerosis and bring hope to those who have it.

We are working on awareness campaigns and plan to launch them in 2016. Want to get involved into raising awareness for multiple sclerosis in SE Europe? Send us an email at smartchoice.livingwithms@gmail.com. We would love to hear from you!

This was all for this week’s #SMartWednesday! Thank you for reading and if you would like to receive my next articles right into your mail, subscribe to SMart Choice Lifestyle by filling your email adress in the box on the upper right. Join my SMart Warriors list to receive access to Premium content and many more!

Have a most wonderful day!

Sincerely, 

Alexandra & the SMart Choice Team