PROLOGUE
“I pirouette in the dark
I see the stars through a mirror
Tired mechanical heart
Beats 'til the song disappears
Somebody shine a light
I'm frozen by the fear in me
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me
So cut me from the line
Dizzy, spinning endlessly
Somebody make me feel alive
And shatter me”
(Lindsey Stirling featuring Lzzy Hale - Shatter Me)
AFTERMATH OF THE RAT-RACE
I oftentimes wake up at seven in the morning already feeling anxious or with my mind racing over my to-do list. It’s like I wake up starting the race, and then I go on through my day running, but the only running really goes on inside my head. And it’s exhausting!
We seem to not have time to just sit anymore. Simply stand still and let our minds relax and just be… just enjoy the moment. We are so wired to technology and to a responsive state, that we lose all of our connection to the outside world. And technology is just a bleep in this whole chaotic picture.
We are wired for connection. For feeling close to other people. Today’s society is disconnecting. Work is disconnecting. Technology is disconnecting. We have less and less time to spend with our own thoughts, in contact with what we feel, and thus we become more and more disconnected from ourselves.
Society is fast-forwarding us to progress and pushing us more and more over the edge.
Underneath a calm expression, there can exist tons and tons of emotional pain. Things that happened, things that hurt us, things that remained unresolved. Too often this anger becomes pointed towards ourselves, the only one responsible for the state we’re in is our own person.
We criticize, judge, and even physically tend to hurt ourselves in order to no longer feel those negative emotions. We no longer know how to deal with them. We become disconnected from the rituals the old society had.
Our brains process it all and sometimes they make mistakes. Given our chaotic lives, the brain strives to adapt, but overuse can lead to trouble.
WE ALL MISS SOMETHING IMPORTANT
It’s that feeling that something in our lives is missing. And in the search for it, we can get hurt. And with strained relationships and constant disconnection, there’s no one there to catch us if we fall. That’s what we miss. That’s what we always look for: relationships. Meaningful ones, to be understood, cared for, accepted and loved. Loved with all our faults, quirks and ideas. Loved for who we are and for whom we might become.
OUR MINDS HAVE BECOME A SCARY PLACE
But out there is nothing but shame. People only see the negative side, people are fearful of what they don’t know or don’t understand. They need to be told that mental health is just as important as physical health. If someone has a mental illness, things can get better.
There’s this stigma that sees mental illness as dangerous, but in fact is more self-harming than a threat to others. Outside anger might come from feeling misunderstood one times to many, from feeling alone and scared. Because our minds can become a scary place. An overwhelming, non-stop chatting, scary place.
We feel trapped inside a parallel reality, full of fears, shadows and pain. But the truth and the light are out there. We forget that we are more than our thoughts. The mind only fulfills its duty: thinking. When it overthinks, that’s when we need to press pause. Unplug from the hamster wheel that we call modern life and return to ourselves.
The answer we’re all looking for is not in our thoughts, not in our fears or anger. It’s hidden inside us. In fact, it’s not even hiding. It has been there all along, waiting for us to remember it. Do you know who you once were? Do you still remember the kid inside? It’s all there. Your reasons, motivations, dreams and hopes. Buried under years and years of neglect and stress.
SEARCH FOR THE KID INSIDE
Everytime you fight these issues, your youngest self is searching for giving and receiving love. Is looking for something to help it rediscover the world as it once saw it. That world is still there. We build modern society upon it.
STRENGTH THROUGH FAITH
The way I always find my way back is through letting go of the apparent control I we all think we have over what’s happening to and around us. I let go and accept the situation I find myself in. Then, I begin to search for lessons and solutions that are going to help me go through my emotional or physical pain better. For me, the guide that is always with me is Jesus Christ. More about my journey and lessons learned, HERE.
When I accept that I can’t control my situation, I take it as is, go through it and have patience to be transformed. Every experience that we have changes us in one way or another. I choose to take the lesson and be grateful that I have the opportunity to learn and grow. Even through suffering, pain and fear.
LETTING GO OF EGO & BECOME HUMBLE
I used to despise being hurt, be it physically or emotionally. I hated feeling not enough and rejected by others. But then I realised that those things were the truth I had chosen to see. I was trapped into poisoning my own mind with helpless thoughts: “Why me? Why is this happening to me? Why don’t bad people develop multiple sclerosis?” and a whole bunch more.
It might be hard to digest, understand or accept, but suffering happens with a reason: to make us humble again. To clean our hearts and minds of all the negativity we have stored in them throughout. We are bombarded with being competitive, always on the run, always striving to become the best at our craft, always working… and never really being present.
BE PRESENT AND PUT THINGS INTO PERSPECTIVE
Life is fleeting. A moment is just a bleep on our screens. Life is much more than a rat race. Life is about living vulnerably, about accepting your challenges and understanding that you are not alone in this.
All over the world, there are people who have struggles that you know nothing about. Worse struggles, easier ones, it doesn’t matter. The only thing that counts is feeling grateful for what you have now, because somebody else might not even have that chance. Who am I to complain and rebel against life?
Anger never built anything. Negativity only destroys. Keep those inside your heart and they will certainly destroy you.
You suffer to become aware of your own self. Look at what you have, look at how you can do to help others. Accept yourself just the way you are and work to better the things that you feel could be better.
The choice is always yours to make. The outcome is not in your hands. Let go. God always knows what He’s doing.
8 STEPS THAT HELPED ME IMPROVE MY MENTAL HEALTH
#WorldMentalHealthDay 2016 (yes, it was yesterday)
- Journal - one of the best ways to switch off that overthinking mind is to create space inside it. Write down all your concerns, fear, angsts and emotions. Once on paper, they will look more real and measurable. You can then analyze them and see that they’re not real. Look around you, life is beautiful even if it’s not perfect.
- Help others - take time to be there for others that need you. Find a cause to help on, teach people how to deal with things you’ve already been through, help with the dishes, with a kind word, be there for someone and just listen to them, comfort them and make them understand that you’re there to comfort them.
- Reach out to people and talk about your problems - remember the journaling at no. 1? It can be used to better understand your own thoughts and become able to tell them to others. Talk to people you trust and love, a psychologist, a priest, whatever choice you have. The thing is, talking about what you’re going through leads to being understood and finding a solution to your inner struggle.
- Reconnect to yourself - let go of always being in charge. Take time to enjoy the things you’ve already achieved, sit and have a chat with your own self. Sit still and simply begin to enjoy your presence, without anything attached to it. Listen to your favorite music, read the Bible, become aware of how it feels to live inside your body. Yet again journaling is helpful. Write these feelings and thoughts down. Let them go on paper.
- Sleep more - the relative amount of sleep needed by an adult is between 8-9 hours / night. Make the choice of going to bed in time to be able to sleep that much before you wake up. During sleep, the brain cleans out toxins created throughout the day, while thinking, feeling and taking care of all the operations that your body did.
- Eat better - good nutrients feed the body and help rise the levels of energy. Foods like vegetables, fruit, pickled vegetables, rice, fish and lean meats, nuts and seeds are proven to make the body stronger and healthier if consumed regularly, as part of a lifestyle choice.
- Move your body - we have mobile joints, because we were made to move, not sit on the couch all day long. It can be comfortable, especially when holding a heavy tablet or while keeping one’s eyes on Facebook and Instagram all day. But the body needs to move its muscles. Exercise gets rid of pain, stiffness, makes you more alert and even more happy, through the release of endorphins, hormones that make you feel good.
- Be grateful for what you have and let go of control - look at what you do have, realistically. All hardship and trauma can be overcomed. All past negative things are now gone and you are still standing. You did good! Keep on being strong and learn from your experiences. Feel the gratitude; why are certain things important to you? Remember that things don’t always go the way we plan them and that’s OK. The things that we can act upon is our choices. Choose life, choose to become wiser.
Every human is important and worthy. The main thing is that you are not alone. Most people feel the same way, but few speak up. We all have the need to heal our mental health, because the world we live in needs healing. One human at a time.
Accept to be shattered. Life needs a little chaos before it smoothes out things again. It’s the only way we grow. We have both positive and negative emotions. They’re part of us.
Liked this post? Let me know if you’d want me to write a more extensive piece on this topic, or on smaller topics from it. Would love to hear your opinion on this! Leave your comments down below.
Sincerely,
Denisa
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