When I started the Metamorphosis Project, little did I know that transformation really happens from the inside out rather than through things that happened to me externally. Although the outside part cannot always be changed, what happens inside can, and that’s where I began my transformation journey.
A chronic, incurable diagnosis is surely a thing that will turn your world upside down and inside out. It humbles you and makes you see the world from an entirely new perspective. You have to be willing to learn from all that you experience, to accept, adapt an eventually overcome, otherwise the journey will be at least twice as hard.
The Resistance is that instinctual defence mechanism we all share. It’s one of the first brain structure we develop and the first to make us react to the primal emotions like fear and anger. We all know that voice in our heads that keeps us from doing something for the fear of losing, of failing. It’s the same voice that warns us we are facing something dangerous, and that we must get out, quit or avoid that situation.
It only wants to keep us safe. Forever. From everything.
The only thing that it doesn’t protect us from is ourselves. Unfortunatelly, people tend to act impulsively, and even more so when they’re angry, scared or upset. We are reckless, we torture ourselves internally for what we did or didn’t do, for what we had and what we lost, for what we deserve and do not get. You name it! The list is endess.
We all have our internal demons. The problem here is that we need to… exorcise them and become at ease.
Real transformation takes work, takes patience, understanding, being humble and open-minded. You can’t begin to change if you are living in the past or are anxious for what the future will bring.
What worked for me personally was taking time to look inside and dig deeper to find out (or to remember) who I really was. The tools that helped on this journey were yoga, journaling, meditation and prayer. This combination allowed me to explore my limits physically, emotionally and rationally.
The yoga practice taught me that all my days are different, and that most of the times, the plan or expectations I have in my brain do not always mirror reality. I might come to the mat thinking that I’m going to have a flowing, easy experience and instead I face a stiff body and sweatty, anxious me. Being such an overachiever, this would usually be the point where I give up. But I learned to accept my weaknesses and hard times and push through, carry on with what I’m doing.
Life doesn’t wait for me to be ready, it happens now and I must face it. There’s nobody comming to live it for me or help me with what I need to do for myself. I am my most trusted friend, coach and healer. I am a vessel for what God wants me to do in this life. This was one of the biggest lessons I learned and am still learning.
Day by day, without fail, I come to the mat to meet my demons or to embrace my strongest self, body and mind. The isometric movements in yoga help my muscles release tension, be it physical or emotional. Pair that with deep breathing and I'm in for a wonderous ride to myself.
We are capable of such great things. We only have to surrender, have faith and allow transformation to do it’s work.
Journaling has always been one of my favourites. Even from a young age, writing down all that bothered me, all my dreams and stories helped to see the bigger picture. It helped with treating my emotions as objects, move them around and explore them from all angles. The mind plays tricks on you and doesn’t show all that you need to see. Simply by writing down all your thoughts, your emotions and lessons, the rational, objective filter that is activated when we read, puts all into order.
It also works as a pretty good brain dump, when your mind is overwhelmed with noise and you just need to relax. Take out a notebook and write your heart off. For me it did and it still does wonders, as I see myself in a new light. I can come back and review my week, and understand how I’ve been. On the long term, you’ll get to know and understand yourself a little better.
Your life is a journey, so you might want to spend it with someone you know and trust: yourself.
Meditation and prayer come as a bundle. I can’t separate my mind from the thoughts without feeling protected by the higher power. These two usually are threaded together during one sitting. Instead of a mandala I use a rosary around my neck. I either start by taking deep breaths, taking up space and saying Holy Father, or I finish the session with the prayer. It works both ways.
Remember what I said about acceptance and letting go of expectations? It applyes here to.
Every day and night, when I begin my 20 minute practice, I come with a fresh mind, I don’t expect anything, don’t try to change anything. I just am. Silencing the mind is not easy though. Many times, thoughts have me drifting from my purpose right untill the alarm goes off, meaning the session is over. Imagine the frustration!
But I learned to let it go and accept it for what it was: a process. It has ups and downs, good days and bad days. On some occasions, my mind gets so at ease, so in tune with my sensations and emotions that I begin crying or smiling.
Layers and layers of negative self-talk, of not forgiving myself or others for all types of stupid things. All the grudges, the self doubts, the fear and selfishness, they all had their turn. They all surfaced at one time.
As with yoga and journaling, the trick is the same: let go of judging, accept and understand what you are experiencing. Each time, dig deeper.
A bonus tool that has helped me understand the need I have for being close to my christian-orthodox faith is begining to read the Bible. Since the year began, I went through most of the five books of Moses, this week reaching the middle of the book of Numbers. On this journey, I found The Bible Project on YouTube. Two guys and their team digitally draw and create animated videos that tell the story within the Bible. Their concise and modern approach on the Scripture, makes them really worth watching. Find out more about them here and here.
All in all the biggest, the most impactful landmark on this journey of transformation was the day when I understood that all is flowing, that all is energy (a vibration basically) and that the most important and life-giving one is LOVE in all its shapes and sizes: kindness, gratefulness, generosity, compassion, forgiveness. God is love, and thus we are all able to find Him and thus find inner peace.
We just have to continuously find the love within, get to know ourselves better and better, then love others and be humble that we have this wonderful gift called life. Choose life.
We are more stronger than we think. The mind is limiting our actions. Let the Ego and pride go and look at the world through your heart. You’ll be amazed at what you’ll see.
As always, yours sincerely,
Alexandra