The Fear of Being Judged and How Can That Mess With Your Online Content

So I’ve been blogging for quite some time now and my inner perfectionist hasn’t been pleased with the results. Each week, I almost forced myself to find new and relevant subjects to write about, making myself forget why I even started SMart Choice in the first place. That alone can get one feel frustration, anxiety and lack of accomplishments.

And then it dawned on me! I was doing it all wrong! A personal blog shouldn’t be built upon what others expect you to write or on what topics you think people might be interested in! Of course you want to put out your best content and make people either feel better about themselves or help their day in one way or another. Of course you want to put out informative and entertaining content that they ask for and/or need at some point.

The part that almost got out of hand is that where I ended up with general subject posts, when all that I wanted to do in the first place is to write from my own point of view, and thus be able to share my story with like-minded people who might be facing the same situations.

But the mind is equally powerful in two ways: it can make or it can brake your ideas. I’ve written before about why I started a platform talking about my MS story and related topics, but the core-reason slipped away.

I remember how alone I used to feel after receiving my diagnosis and all the frustration towards not knowing no one my age that dealed with the same issues. I searched high and low on the internet, stayed away from all the “classic” horror stories one might find and decided to have a place where I can shine a light over this disease and offer a kind word to anyone who might be in the same situation I was.

I had so many things to say, so many stories to share and so much love and encouragement to give, that I focused to much on doing things by the book and ended up leaving myself somewhere along the road, silenced by my own blog. Imagine that! The irony!

I created a fixed structure that aimed to inform, give health tips and lifestyle articles on a weekly basis, touching some of the “hot topics” in the life of an MSer. Things like fatigue, work and changes have been recurrent topics on SMart Choice, and each generated a fair amount of engagement on Twitter and Instagram.

But where did I fit in? I gasped for air as I searched for the authenticity in the story I wanted to tell. I have been totally honest in all of my articles, but something was missing. That something that sparked in an article here and there and then went off in silence.

We all have the fear of being judged and being labeled, even much so when you have a chronic illness that not many people know about. But now I know better! I thought about all the lovely and brave people I’ve got to know over the last year, and that gave me back the courage to speak my own voice. So many MSers out there came into their own and I feel like it’s time for me to do that too.

After all, I am not defined by my illness, but by my power to live life to the fullest, by the things that I am good at and by the kindness I am so wanting to put out in the world. Long story short, I want to rebuild SMart Choice Lifestyle and shape it around the life and the stories I can give to the world. Make it about the point of view that I can add to so many others that are online.

Expect books, short story writing, visual storytelling, yoga, psychology, brain health and more. All that lived on top of what we MSers call “the snowflake disease”, and that others might know as multiple sclerosis.

It feels so good to take that out of my chest! Especially after the massive anxiety attack I had last night. It came out of nowhere and lifted all my senses into flaming fear. But that’s a whole other article. Soon to come!

Sorry if for some of you it might sound a little overdramatic, that’s how my writing tends to be. It’s missing all the voice, gestures and tonallity that you would have when hearing me talk about the same stuff in real life. Curious about any aspect I talk about? Just ask and I’ll be happy to give you an answer as soon as I can.

Lots of love,

Alexandra

How To Deal With Anger Without Damaging Your Relationships? (+ DOWNLOADABLE FREEBIE PDF JOURNAL) - #LifestyleFriday

When was the last time you were angry? Do you remember why? What made you boil up inside? Was it annoyance? Anxiety? Fear? Was there a mix? Who did you backlash at? What were the consequences? To all these questions I’m going to shed a little light so that we can all start the weekend more peacefully and a bit more calm.

Like all human emotions, anger has been explained on and off by psychologists and regular people alike. Today we’re going to treat it like a result to a perceived threat, as a result of the fight-or-flight response, the mechanism that helps our survival for millenia.

When we are facing some type of danger, our brains have two possible choices: to help us stand and fight or make us run for our lives. Dealing with multiple sclerosis, this gets a bit tricky, and in some cases even impossible. We have to put up with an illness we have no control over, with a danger that we can’t escape from.

Enter frustration. This one is a natural response to the lack of options we have in order to deal with our anger. Therefore, everything begins to anger us: not having a cure, being surprised by a nasty symptom, having a relapse, losing some of our abilities, and so on. We become more sensitive to external stimuli. Who wasn’t annoyed by the simple: “it’s all in your head!”?

The biggest and most widespread human fear is that of the unknown. Life by itself is unpredictable and a stress bringer now and then. But humans adapt. Multiple sclerosis only adds to this uncertainties, making our lives even more stressful. We are all diferent and so are our coping mechanisms, but there will always be a time to snap / vent / melt, call it as you will.

A moment in time when all the uncertainty, fear and expectations get to us and we become Mr. Hyde.

For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, Hyde is a novel character, in the book “Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde” by …. It is basically the dark side of each of us, the “monster” that lies within, our deepest and most secret impulses, primal violence and such. When I say that we become Mr. Hyde, I’m describing how we can literally transform from the most kind person to a raging ball of fire, that snaps at people, causing only pain and resentment. 

This is one of the main causes of why people around us get distant, and sometimes leave. Relationships get tared, bonds get cracked. They’re already scared, our anger only adds up to their feeling helpless and more frustrated. Not a happy place to live in. Could you bear this forever? Think about it!

What I’ve learned so far, having my own large dose of being angry, is that you need to deal with it. I went deep within myself and analysed the reasons for getting so angry. Clearly it was an over-the-top reaction, that in other conditions wouldn’t have happened. For me, daily journaling helped put things into perspective. 

We all thing the reasons why we’re angry are so legitimate, others so ignorant and we ourselves so missunderstood. Wrong! In most cases, we overreact. I know I did! When I began accepting it, things gradually got better. Time helps you to better understand your triggers and to catch yourself before you snap. Or help you to snap less, to be honest! 

We all have good days and bad days, we all have ego colisions with other people. MSers tend to become a bit more sensitive that other people. We develop a type of vulnerability that not many people can understand fully.

I chose to transform this vulnerability into something positive. It’s damn hard! It takes a lot of focus and dedication. But when you do it daily, you CAN transform anger into love. Agression into compassion. Frustration into gratefulness. I experience those two opposing forces on a regular basis. 

Of course it’s easier to snap, yell and take some steam off. But is it really worth the effort? Is it really worth the damage? You get dear ones angry, you become stressed, the whole thing could turn into a full blown conflict and for what? For multiple sclerosis? REALLY?

Accept your anger. Let it go and search for the love within. Find reasons to be grateful and happy for your life. Focus on what you can do and do more of that. Capitalize on your strenghts.

There are millions of people who go through the same issues as you do. Of course we are all different, but in the end we all have multiple sclerosis roaming around in our brains. The true secret is the way we choose to react to what’s happening to us. The way we let it get to us. Or not. Accept, adapt and overcome.

I prepared a printable journal to use as a tool for getting to know your triggers and focus on what is good in your life. Download it by clicking this link Accept.Adapt.OvercomeJournal

Let me know your story with anger in the comments below. Subscribe for more articles!

Lots of love,

Alexandra